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September 09, 2005
Day 25: Doubt Management
UMBRA cracks 30,000 words, a hitherto undreamed of height of text, and suddenly, like one of those Warner Bros cartoon characters, realises where it is, and how far along it is, and goes, "Holy Crap!"
Don't panic. That's the main thing I'm telling myself about the story at the moment. I mentioned in my previous post that I was starting to experience ominous doubts about the whole thing. Well, since then, these doubts have been getting out of hand, a little, to the point where I've been employing very secure boxes to contain these unruly anxieties, and keep them out of my way while I try to go about my scribbly business. The goal is still to finish this book, one way or another. I'm not fully convinced it will be a good book, an equal with ECLIPSE, but right now I'm more interested in finishing a book, any book, that I'll wait until it's done before deciding its ultimate fate. I keep thinking about Tor Editor David Hartwell's great line to anxious would-be authors: "Don't reject your own book. That's my job!"
Okay, fine. So I've been scribbling along while engaged in what I'm calling "doubt management": trying to keep it all under some kind of control. My psych doc, meanwhile, to whom I explained all this today, told me this was all wrong. I should not worry at all about whether or not this particular book was good enough, or sellable enough, or any of that. I should just have fun with it. I don't have a contract for it (which is true, so no deadlines are involved), so it doesn't matter if this one is a screw-up. Ideally speaking there's no pressure at all, other than my own desire to get a book done. This, my doc was trying to tell me, in his own unique way (he has a love of strange metaphors; today's was about grinding photographic lenses), is the wrong attitude.
Experiment, goof off, try stuff, have fun. To illustrate his point, he said I should suppose, for example, I had a character who could only walk on ceilings. Startled by the idea, I immediately started thinking about such a character, and what his or her life might be like, and saw all kinds of humourous possibilities, and said so. The doc pointed at me, and said that sense of fun was exactly what was missing. I should be thinking more like that than instead thinking of producing another book. I thought, hmm, the guy's got a point.
How I go about implementing this idea, I don't know. It's something to think about, though.
* * *
And, God knows, I need distracting lately. During the part of each day that I allot to reading blogs and other stuff online, I have been reading a lot of coverage of the Katrina aftermath. I'm finding that I'm experiencing this constant, rising howl of outrage in my head, and the more I read, the worse it gets--and the worse things get, the more the howling rises. Now, after a couple of weeks of reading about tens of thousands of people in the worst trouble one can imagine, and a city destroyed, and a regional environment that will be saturated with so much toxic crap that cleaning it up presents unimaginable difficulties, my head's about ready to explode. It's been very difficult indeed trying to focus on my little book project.
So, yes, I could use a distraction. Distractions are good. Meanwhile, we're sending money.
Posted by adrian at September 9, 2005 09:08 PM
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Comments
i'm being included in that anthology, mr. bear, so you'd be among good company. :-)
times like this is when i'm glad i have sports. it grounds me back into reality. gives me a place to lash out my frustrations safely while also giving me some reason to smile and cheer.
Posted by: Suzy at September 13, 2005 03:23 AM
Don't let the doubt get to you old bean. It sounds like a very good story, one I'm keen to read one day, and I'm sure whatever difficulties you encounter while writing it you can overcome. Remember this started with a WOW moment, that's gotta be a good sign!
Posted by: David S. at September 10, 2005 06:33 PM
my philosophy is that for every bit of negative news or stories you allow yourself to hear about, you have to hear, at bare minimum, an equal amount of positive news. participating in enjoyable activities works just as well to balance things out...whether it be watching a good episode of frivolous tv or a reading a heart-warming true story. it doesn't matter. what matters is balance.
be wary of things such as secondary post-traumatic stress disorder. for example, many people who weren't specifically involved in 9-11 suffered from this just by hearing and watching so much tragedy on the news. it's definitely important to acknowledge these stories and know what is happening in the world, but we also have to know when we've reached our intake limit for a bit. sometimes we just don't realize how damaging the news can be to our mental and emotional health. but believe me, it can.
personally, i cannot even watch the news. it is too overwhelming. i get my news from mostly online sources, as well as word of mouth, because i can limit and censor it better. it's enough for me to know bad things have happened to millions of people. i don't have to know every detail. that would be way too much.
Posted by: river selkie at September 10, 2005 02:25 PM
Distractions... OK. BOO!!! (That usually does for The Missus' hiccups.) Or, I could knock on your front door and then run away.
Posted by: pastamasta ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.kabedford.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 10, 2005 12:09 AM
Hiya Adrian. (I share your outrage, btw).
I was hesitant at first to mention this since I know you are in the middle of a book and probably don't need another distraction, but decided it would only be fair to tell you. Over at Absolute Write, we're putting together an anthology of short stories/poems/essays revolving around the idea of strength. When it's ready, we're going to self-publish it on Lulu.com, with all proceeds going to Katrina relief. If you wish, check it out. There's a thread discussing the project in the Office Party forum, and submission guidelines (I have a link to them in the sig in my posts).
No pressure to participate, old bean. But if you'd like to, we'd be honoured to have you contribute.
Posted by: Charlie at September 10, 2005 12:07 AM
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